


Cold of the Night

by Rica_Elakha



Series: The Hero and the Drago(o)n [2]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 07:45:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5039893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rica_Elakha/pseuds/Rica_Elakha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A cold night leaves the Warrior of Light thinking about things that can never be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cold of the Night

**Author's Note:**

> So... I wanted to write a sequel to my Aymeric/WoL Oneshot, but then, the angst hit me and I wrote angsty Estinien-stuff instead... uhm... enjoy? (And yeah, boring title is boring.)
> 
> I own nothing.

The flames that were burning brightly in the fireplace were long gone. All that was left was a weak glow from remaining embers, emitting a heat which couldn’t reach out that far, leaving all that wasn’t close to them in the displeasing cold.

It left you shivering as well. Pulling the blanket closer around you in a futile attempt to stop the cold, you allowed your gaze to scan the dark area around you. Ysayle’s silhouette was revealed trough the embers light, as she was the one to perform the first night duty. The others, one small Elezen and a taller one, were lying just as still and wrapped up in blankets as you were.

Not far from your group, one of the Chocobos was stirring in its sleep, causing Ysayle’s head to swing in that direction with an alarmed demeanour, but she relaxed when no threat was to be seen. 

You shifted and gazed into the starry sky. Unlike your companions, you just couldn’t find even the tiniest bit of sleep. On the one hand, there was the cold, and on the other… Your head continued its movement, gaze finally resting on the Elezen sleeping peacefully next to you.

The night around you may have been silent, but your thoughts were all the louder. Your heart felt tight in your chest, and a well-known feeling of bitterness made its way through your stomach. All of it caused by thoughts, feelings that you never voiced, never accepted. What use would it have to do so? All that awaited was more bitterness and rejection, you were sure of it.

And all of it revolved around the much praised Azure Dragoon that was now so close to you, so painfully close.

Neither did you know how nor when, but somehow, you fell for the distant Elezen, hard. So hard the very thought of him made your heart feel tight. To this day, you never showed any sign of this distracting affection. Hiding your feelings by never admitting them to yourself was easing, a cold and bitter remedy, but a remedy nevertheless.

A bitter, yet silent chuckle escaped your lips. What use would it have, anyway? As if there was a chance that your feelings would be returned. No, you went over each possible outcome a hundred times by now, and never was there even a glimpse of a happy one.

The short time you spend around the Azure Dragoon had taught you one thing: Estinien was hell-bent to get his revenge, to slay the Great Wyrm that took everything from him. In your opinion, his unbreakable determination in pursue of his goal was admirable.

But at the same time, it left you with this nagging doubt that occupied your thoughts, kept you awake at night. A silent, malicious voice echoing inside your head - was it possible for such a man to ever spend as much energy on a task other than his revenge? You were sure to know the answer, and it was of course a no – everyone with a hint of reasoning could figure this much. Just the thought of it sent another shiver through your body, the blanket’s tiny bit of warmth long forgotten.

Not only were you aware of his desire for revenge that could never be exceeded by any other kind of feeling, no, of course you’d allowed yourself to think about the future as well, just for a few moments, disheartening moments.

With his revenge finally achieved, there was no guarantee that the Azure Dragoon would dedicate himself to another cause. For all you knew, there was a possibility that he would simply vanish, unseen, unheard.

And the other possible outcome, with him failing his quest for revenge – you pushed away the thought that could succeed to haunt you this night, a thought of his possible failure, his possible… death. A lump was slowly blocking your throat.

Frowning, you scolded yourself for allowing those futile thoughts to disturb this moment, this rare occasion on which you were so close. Hesitating, you bit your lip and slowly raised your hand, pondering whether to touch his face or not.

The reasons surrounding him weren’t the only ones that strictly spoke against a possible relationship. What about yourself? You weren’t just anyone, but Hydaelyn’s chosen, the Warrior of Light. Slayer of Primals. Bringer of hope. You have already been called so many things in such a short time that you wondered just who you truly were.

People relied on you to keep the Primals away, fend off the Garleans, save them from whatever calamity came at any given time. The thought was scaring, tiring, but you tried your best to live up to the people’s expectations. Given your position, your power, not using it for the sake of others would be selfish.

The awareness of your duty bound you like a heavy chain, preventing you from ever reaching out to your own dreams. Still, it was your duty, something only you could do. The Warrior of Light existed to keep the peace, to fight for the light. There was no room for relationships, no room for a ‘you’ that could keep you from your duty.

Your hand’s movement stopped mid-air, as if it was frozen. Your fingertips were only inches from the bare skin shown despite the Elezen’s helmet, and yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to touch him. You were bound, by duty. He was out of reach, due to who he was.

The one without a ‘you’ and the one that was thoroughly ‘him’.

After a second, you pulled back and your hand returned to the fading warmth of your blanket – your gaze, however, remained on the slumbering Azure Dragoon that was close and yet so far away. Three words left your lips, mouthed, silent, unheard. But no ‘I think’ this time. Your façade started to crumble. No good.

Quickly, you averted your gaze. The embers had grown cold, there was no glow, no warmth remaining. Just the silence and bitter cold of the night, taking your body as if there never was a blanket at all.

Outside, the night was consuming you with its cold. Inside, your thoughts burned you with merciless harshness.

Before the exertion finally threw you into an unsatisfactory slumber, you made a wish. You didn’t wish to be with Estinien.

Instead, you prayed that in another world, another reality, there would be a ‘you’ and ‘him’ that could be together.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading! Feel free to leave a comment or point out anything that bugs you.


End file.
